I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
