when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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