I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
