More tranny stories later!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
