Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Mom said you looked used
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
