There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
