some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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