Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
