Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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