Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
4 words: hood of his car
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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