How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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