I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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