This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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