Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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