U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
