we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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