i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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