i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
