I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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