I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
