I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize