it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
