Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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