Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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