Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
