worst night to have a conscience
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
