we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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