I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
porn star boner night. come get it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
