So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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