Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize