the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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