I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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