Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I still have a little drunk in my system
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
