nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
bring money and cleavage
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
