at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
