that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
