I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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