You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Vodka?
Forever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
