i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
