pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
