Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
