Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
