Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
