we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
