She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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