does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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