Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
