my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
