guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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