i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I forget how to act sober
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize