2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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