I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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