also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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