haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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