So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize