when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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