Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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