He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
