know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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