I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
