Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
not ubering you a puppy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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