you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
