well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
