you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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