so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
