They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
