No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
