She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
