he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize